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John has feelings.
  • John:

    what in the dick

  • John:

    http://www.ricecube.net/

  • Scott:

    huh!

  • Scott:

    ricecube!

  • Scott:

    let's make rice cool!

  • John:

    this is an affront to nature

  • John:

    an abomination

  • Scott:

    Rice Cube!

  • John:

    a slap in the face of god's divine plan for us all

  • Scott:

    *orders ten*

  • Scott:

    Rice Cube!!!!!

  • Scott:

    man I wish I had a Rice Cube!

  • Scott:

    look at that person carefully place food items in the Rice Cube!!!!!

  • John:

    WHY IS THIS SO FASCINATING

  • Scott:

    HOLY CRAP, THEY MADE A RICE CUBE!!!!!

  • John:

    listen

  • John:

    I am going to use this

  • John:

    to build a sushi igloo

  • Scott:

    OOH

  • John:

    which I will LIVE IN

  • John:

    and when I wish to venture into the outside world

  • John:

    I will have to eat my way out

  • John:

    through SUSHI

  • John:

    the Australians

  • John:

    apparently had a mad idea

  • Scott:

    BRILLIANT

  • John:

    they were UPSET

  • John:

    that their rice was not in alignment with the teachings

  • John:

    the teachings of EUCLID

  • John:

    the prawblum with this mahhkee

  • John:

    they said

  • John:

    is NAWT EENUF CAWWNIZ

  • John:

    and so they looked to the divine nod of Rupert Murdoch

  • John:

    who

  • John:

    upon ensuring his rigid and righteous manmind that it was not an opponent of free market ideals and rugged individualism

  • John:

    said OY MATE

  • Scott:

    :D :D :D

  • John:

    and gave them $36 ozziebux

  • John:

    as is the custom in their land

  • John:

    upon besting a kangaroo in combat

  • John:

    it was then made REALITY

  • John:

    WHAT YOU THINK I RAP FOR

  • John:

    TO PUSH A FUCKIN RAV 4

  • Scott:

    WHOA

3/26/12 — 3:07pm Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGyIbv0DH
  • John:

    Goddamn I want to kick guy fieri in the dick

  • Scott:

    do it

  • John:

    Meh

  • MEH

  • Scott:

    MEH

  • John:

    I mean it's no PUMPKIN SPICE RISOTTO

  • Scott:

    NAY

  • Guy Fieri is most definitely not Pumpkin Spice Risotto

  • John:

    No

  • He's just a fat dick

  • Oh weird

  • He just previewed a segment at a diner I ate at in austin

  • Scott:

    HOLY SHIT

  • John:

    SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

  • Scott:

    YOU SHOULD WRITE THE PRESIDENT!

Notes: 1 3/24/11 — 9:14pm Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGy3ot0Yi
  • Scott:

    You're there!!!!!

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

  • Scott:

    BUT I NEED TO TALK TO HIM

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

  • Scott:

    THERE IS COMEDY TO BE HAD

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

  • Scott:

    PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEASE

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

  • Scott:

    Do you enjoy being a barrier, to FUNNY?

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

  • Scott:

    Yeah, I bet.

  • John:

    ***FROM XXXXXXXXXX IM Administrator***: Your communication has been disallowed by the XXXXXXXXXX US IM Security System.

Notes: 1 10/8/10 — 11:13am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGy1Bgrof
  • Scott:

    dude

  • I have uncovered something amazing

  • ARE YOU READY?????

  • John:

    Access to this site has been denied by XXXXXXXXX's Internet Proxy WDA-PROXY01. If you require access to this site for business purposes, please contact the Help Desk at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

  • Scott:

    no seriously!

  • like there is this masturbation witch running for Senate in Delaware

  • (where I MIGHT BE TYPING FROM)

  • and it is exciting and worthy of conversation and riffing, don't you agree?

  • John:

    Access to this site has been denied by XXXXXXXXX's Internet Proxy WDA-PROXY01. If you require access to this site for business purposes, please contact the Help Desk at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

  • Scott:

    Jesus Christ.

  • Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.

  • I mean

  • Don't you have something to say about this?

  • About anything?

  • Don't you have OPINIONS???

  • ANSWER ME

  • John:

    Access to this site has been denied by XXXXXXXXX's Internet Proxy WDA-PROXY01. If you require access to this site for business purposes, please contact the Help Desk at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

  • Scott:

    man I don't even know who you are anymore.

Notes: 3 10/8/10 — 11:08am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGy1BgnK_
  • Scott:

    oh man

  • this is uncool

  • firewall at work means I can't have chats with my dude

  • all fuggin' Arizona up ins here

  • "BUILD THAT WALL"

  • haven't posted a chat here in a dog's age

  • what does that even mean

  • oh christ am I about to have a chat with myself

  • please say no

  • ...

  • ...

  • god?

  • want to get all Reagan and be like ANONYMOUS FINANCE COMPANY, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL

  • COMEDY DEMANDS IT

  • maybe I could sue them for restraint of trade

  • that ould mean making money off this

  • can I incorporate a Google Ad in a chat once in a while for monetizing?

  • this is my way of saying Mummalard is still here

  • simply blocked from amusing you

  • by THE MAN

  • stay tuned

Notes: 2 10/7/10 — 1:11pm Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGy1BIozM
  • Scott:

    WHY DO I THINK OF SHIT LIKE THAT

  • John:

    ?

  • Scott:

    the fuck is wrong with me with raw eggs &c

  • John:

    oh that

  • man don't tease the panther

  • WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TEASING THE PANTHER

  • Scott:

    there's a panther?

  • John:

    OF COURSE THERE'S A PANTHER

  • AND YOU

  • FOR SOME REASON

  • IN YOUR INFINITE WISDOM

  • THINK YOU SHOULD TEASE IT

  • Scott:

    WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS HAPPENING

  • John:

    http://mediamatters.org/blog/201006110032

  • Scott:

    OH GOD

  • I HAD FORGOTTEN

  • FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

  • Remember what I said earlier, about the least erotic thing ever?

  • Now have Glenn Beck reading the audiobook version of it

  • John:

    GAME

  • SET

  • MATCH

  • Scott:

    My dick crawls so far back I get a DIY sex change

  • what is with these right-wing authors feeling the need to write sex scenes.

  • John:

    SAY BABY

  • WHY DON'T YOU PUT DOWN THAT PIPE

  • AND GET MY PIPE UP

  • Scott:

    OH COME ON

  • JUST A QUIET, PEACEFUL DEATH

  • YEAHAHHHHAHHAOWOOWww

  • John:

    nnoooooooo alarrrrrrrm and nooooooo surpriiiiiiiiises

Notes: 1 7/30/10 — 11:28am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGyqT8Do
  • John:

    alright, so parse this

  • Scott:

    OKAY

  • I AM READY FOR PARSING!

  • John:

    Emily sends me a message on fb the other day

  • I never get anything from em

  • but her message is this

  • so you're like "facebook official" now. So now what?

  • Scott:

    lulz

  • John:

    like

  • huh?

  • I DON'T KNOW

  • FACEBOOK DATES...?

  • Scott:

    WHEEEEE

  • John:

    gonna add the relationship app to facebook?

  • JOHN HAS JUST GOTTEN A PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION IN RELATIONSHIP-VILLE!

  • Scott:

    man that game would be AWESOME

  • John:

    SEND HIM A HUG AND WATCH HIS BUSINESS GROW!

Notes: 1 7/30/10 — 11:20am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGyqT2eZ
  • John:

    gonna be a big crankybear after a week of no running

  • Scott:

    why can't you run

  • you're gonna be on Venice Beach

  • people run there all the time

  • John:

    dunno

  • just more shit I'd have to pack

  • and would be stinky as FUCK due to sweatings

  • Scott:

    oh noes

  • can't have that

  • John:

    i am not certain you are aware of the magnitude

  • it is untoward

  • it is NOT TOWARD

  • Scott:

    dude I have fucking born witness to the olfactory carnage

  • John:

    just gonna come back from a thing

  • and collapse ON TOP OF YOU in a big, sweaty, gay heap

  • Scott:

    .......

  • that's like the least erotic thing I can picture

  • unless there was a raw egg cracked and dropped on your back at the end

  • maybe some salami chunks

  • John:

    WOW

  • Scott:

    not even slices

  • John:

    DUDE

  • I HAVE A BEVERAGE HERE

Notes: 1 7/30/10 — 11:18am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGyqT09o
  • Scott:

    I'm crafting a breakup letter to my improv group

  • John:

    that sounds awfully formal

  • Scott:

    eh

  • more like, "hey, I'm not into improv anymore, like you guys, keep it up"

  • John:

    OK

  • For the way I'm going to quit the improv group

  • I'm going to need a suggestion from the audience

  • Scott:

    OVARIAN BUTTFUCKERS

  • John:

    I heard STARBUCKS

  • WHOA

  • Scott:

    ABORTION MEDS

  • John:

    I HEARD STARBUCKS

  • I THINK I HEARD STARBUCKS

  • Scott:

    COAT HANGER BONANZA

  • John:

    STARBUCKS IT IS!

  • Scott:

    I THOUGHT YOU SAID THESE GUYS WERE FUNNY

Notes: 2 6/18/10 — 11:05am Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGygQulp
  • John:

    but really

  • even Julie Andrews' tits are wholesome.

  • Scott:

    The milk from within is sweet as orphan's laughter

  • John:

    WOW

  • Scott:

    YEAH

  • I JUST DID THAT

  • John:

    WELL DONE SIR

6/16/10 — 2:35pm Short URL: http://tmblr.co/ZoQlGyg2BZA